Gasp! High priced movie theater candy! How could we ever forget the tribulation of this pre-covid pastime? Just when we thought the price of movie theater tickets were inflated past the point of no return, movie theater snacks become an extra calamity to our bank accounts. But how are we ever supposed to have the full satisfactory experience of an in person movie without the accompaniment of a salty piece of popcorn? Outrageous!
Now, I truly apologize for arousing this sense of alarm, but – no offense – it was much needed, because how else would I let you know that I have 5 expert solutions to bypass this predicament?!
#1 “The Classic”
And by solutions, I mean criminal intent. It is no surprise, even to the employees, that everyone (and I mean everyone) has snuck candy, food, and even blankets into the movie theaters. Personally, I highly recommend (…but you didn’t hear it from me).
If you haven’t, though, you may want to start back at the basics. I call this one “The Classic”.
This method requires smaller pieces of candy: a chocolate bar, the $1 Walgreens boxes of candy, or little wrapped assortments of chocolate or mints would work the best. If you’re bold, you could go for larger sizes, but the smaller the candy, the less likely you will get caught. Next, stick it in a pocket that aligns with the size of your candy. Easy breezy.
As with any of the methods that will be featured in this article, the key to expertise is to act natural. Completely forget about it in the depths of your coat or pant pocket, buy your movie ticket, and don’t uncover your dirty little secret until you are completely submerged in the darkness of your token seat.
#2 “The Bottom of the Bag”
I know what you might be thinking – “we’ve all done this, this method is old news” or “the title of this method says it all”, but don’t underestimate the finesse that defines this strategy.
To start, you can’t just flaunt any old bag into the theater – more precision is required. For example, would you take a backpack or a duffel bag to the theater? Absolutely not; the sheer size and rarity of a movie theater backpack or duffel sighting would immediately alert the workers that there is more to that pack that meets the eye, and you would ultimately say goodbye to any chance at sparing yourself from the highly priced monstrosities protruding in the middle of your local movie theater. However, a tote or small purse would never be questioned, as many can be seen walking with a small wallet or bag. In this way, your best shot is blending in with the crowd.
Another piece of advice to keep in mind would be to not overstuff your bag. Again, you want to blend in, so if it looks like there is a party size bag of chips in your handbag, don’t even consider leaving home.
Additionally, one of the top 10 mistakes is not muffling the noise of the snacks in the bag. Imagine this – you just had your ticket checked for validity. Phew, you made it. You are halfway to the door, when – “crunch”. Busted. Therefore, you should muffle the noise in your bag with a small towel, sweater, or place your loudest wrappers in a sealed container.
If you prefer to be identified as a male, this may not be the method for you. If you do and want to try it – be my guest, but just forewarning you, it may be the slightest bit noticeable. Why’s that, you may ask? Well, because this technique involves embracing your inner parental figure.
- A large bowl (or a hollow styrofoam cylinder)
- Duct tape
- Any candy, chips, or other snacks that will fit in the large bowl
- Start by filling up your bowl with the candy or snack of your desire. A relatively light plastic bowl is preferable, rather than a heavy ceramic, cooking, or dinner bowl. The bowl should also not appear too small or too large so as not to look too unnatural.
- Have a friend or family member tape the filled bowl to your stomach. Make sure it is well adhered to your body so that the candy does not fall out.
- Put on a large shirt, hoodie, or jacket and walk into the theater with confidence.
- Lastly, take off the makeshift pregnancy stomach and enjoy all the money you just saved.
#4 “The Magician”
Abracadabra! Alakazam! For this next trick you will need your favorite hat. This time, though, we won’t be conjuring a dove out of our top hat abyss, but rather a silky smooth bag of m&m’s or even a large box of sour patch kids. Yes, this technique is exactly how it sounds. Place your candy into a hat and place that hat on your head until you reach your seat.
#5 “Pssst… You Wanna Buy a Watch?”
I’m assuming we’ve all seen this movie scene play out – a man in a long trench coat and shiny black fedora calls over a bystander from the street to sell a product. He opens his coat pocket to reveal a large array of watches.
This method is exactly how it sounds. Tape your favorite candy to the inside of your trench coat pocket, stacking the snacks for maximum use of space and making sure the load isn’t too heavy. Walk into the movie theater like you own the place and you are sure to make it past the ticket vendor.
Now that you know all of my secrets, you are on the golden road to glory. Now, fly! Try these tips for yourself! Throw around the dollar bills you just saved! You can thank me later.
Need a movie to go with these life hacks? Feel free to check out some of The Vigornia’s movie reviews written by our incredibly talented writers.